Why Canzano Hates Patterson

(ring!)

(ring!)

(click)"Good afternoon, One Center Court, how may I direct your call?"

"Steve Patterson, please."

"May I tell him who is calling?"

"John Canzano, from the Oregonian."

"Hold please. I'll see if he's in."

(click)

(bzzzzzzt!)

(click)"Mr. Patterson's office."

"Hello, I have John Canzano on the line for Mr. Patterson."

"Hold please."

(click)

(bzzzt!)

(click)"This is Steve."

"Mr. Patterson, I have a call for you on line one."

"Who is it?"

"John Canza-"

"NO!"

(click)

"Mr. Patterson?"

(pause)

"Mr. Patterson?"

(pause)

(click)"Mr. Canzano?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Patterson is unavailable at the moment."

"How long will he be? I can wait on hold."

"I'm sure he'll be quite some time, he asked not to be disturbed."

"Is he talking to Zach's lawyer? Does he know if there will be charges pressed? Has he heard the whole story? What's the name of his barber?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but he's unavailable and will likely be unreachable for the rest of the day. Can I take a message?"

"Has he promoted Pritchard yet? How much will Pritchard make in his new position? What will happen to Darnell Valentine after Pritchard is promoted? Does he like hats?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Canzano, I really must get back to work. Thank you for calling the Portland Trail Blazers. Good-bye. (click)

"Hello? Hello? Who can the Blazers get for Darius Miles? Who would want Zach now? Can you guys get anything for Juan Dixon? You wanna go to a steak dinner for charity?"

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"Steve? Is that you? It's me, John. How are you doing, buddy?"

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"Ha, ha, ha, very funny Steve. Come on, man, I know it's you."

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"Hey, man, I'm not kidding. If you say that again, I'm gonna write all kinds of bad stuff about your team, what do you think about that?"

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"I'm gonna so ruin the trade values of your players, then I'm gonna blame you for not being able to get anything back for them! What do you think about that, huh?"

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHH!!!!