"Mikeside" Monday Night (Neener, Neener, Neener.)

Every once in a long while, I say the right thing to the right person in the right place at the right time. Last week, I was fortunate enough to say the right thing to the right person in the right place at the right time. I made a joking suggestion to a friend, he thought it was a great idea, and immediately set about seeing if it was possible. Seeing if what was possible, you ask? How about sitting inside the studio at KXL during the broadcast of Courtside Monday Night? The friend (a.k.a atlblazerman or ABM), in town on vacation, made a couple of inquiries, and got permission for us to attend the broadcast. Mike Barrett, Mike Rice, and "The Captain" Rich Patterson couldn't have been nicer. In fact, ABM and I arrived outside the studio a few minutes early, and Barrett had to stop the lady at the front desk from asking us not to stand around outside the door, lol. Rice arrived (just off the golf course) a few minutes later, and we sat down and watched as the two Mikes adjusted their mics and prepared to do the show. The terrific chemistry that comes through so well on the air was even more apparent inside the studio. I was reminded of Michaels and Madden, and I mean that as high praise indeed. They were kind enough to allow us to take pictures, and even video clips, which I have posted here. A couple things to watch for in the videos:

In "Golf Tourney," watch Rice's reaction when Barrett tells how much it costs to play in the charity tournament.

In "Training Camp," watch Barrett try to keep a straight face after Rice struggles to find the word "activities."

It was a little weird during the telephone interviews with Brian Wheeler and Antonio Harvey because ABM and I had no headphones, and therefore couldn't hear what they were saying. Barrett and Rice would listen quietly, smiling and nodding occasionally, then both would burst into laughter. Really quite a bizzare sight, seeing people react to what appears to be dead silence, lol.

My favorite moment was when Barrett was reading the statement about Zach Randolph. Rice pulled his headphones off, leaned over to me, and asked, "What was Con- Con- Conzano's first name again?" I told him "John, but you can call him Jason..."

Another good one: We were watching the LLWS playoffs, and a pitch was called a strike. Rice said, "Oh, that was low and outside." When Barrett told him that our team was pitching, and he said, "Oh, in that case, that was a good pitch!"

Anyway, I can't thank KXL, Mike, Mike, and Rich enough for their hospitality and courtesy. I know I won't soon forget the experience, and I'm confident when I say ABM won't, either. I was a huge CSMN fan before Monday night, and if possible, I'm an even bigger fan now. Of course, that might be from the huge plate of pasta I ate at the Old Spaghetti Factory after the show...

Why Canzano Hates Patterson

(ring!)

(ring!)

(click)"Good afternoon, One Center Court, how may I direct your call?"

"Steve Patterson, please."

"May I tell him who is calling?"

"John Canzano, from the Oregonian."

"Hold please. I'll see if he's in."

(click)

(bzzzzzzt!)

(click)"Mr. Patterson's office."

"Hello, I have John Canzano on the line for Mr. Patterson."

"Hold please."

(click)

(bzzzt!)

(click)"This is Steve."

"Mr. Patterson, I have a call for you on line one."

"Who is it?"

"John Canza-"

"NO!"

(click)

"Mr. Patterson?"

(pause)

"Mr. Patterson?"

(pause)

(click)"Mr. Canzano?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Patterson is unavailable at the moment."

"How long will he be? I can wait on hold."

"I'm sure he'll be quite some time, he asked not to be disturbed."

"Is he talking to Zach's lawyer? Does he know if there will be charges pressed? Has he heard the whole story? What's the name of his barber?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but he's unavailable and will likely be unreachable for the rest of the day. Can I take a message?"

"Has he promoted Pritchard yet? How much will Pritchard make in his new position? What will happen to Darnell Valentine after Pritchard is promoted? Does he like hats?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Canzano, I really must get back to work. Thank you for calling the Portland Trail Blazers. Good-bye. (click)

"Hello? Hello? Who can the Blazers get for Darius Miles? Who would want Zach now? Can you guys get anything for Juan Dixon? You wanna go to a steak dinner for charity?"

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"Steve? Is that you? It's me, John. How are you doing, buddy?"

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"Ha, ha, ha, very funny Steve. Come on, man, I know it's you."

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"Hey, man, I'm not kidding. If you say that again, I'm gonna write all kinds of bad stuff about your team, what do you think about that?"

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"I'm gonna so ruin the trade values of your players, then I'm gonna blame you for not being able to get anything back for them! What do you think about that, huh?"

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHH!!!!

Which Do You Want To Hear First?

The good news: LaMarcus Aldridge had shoulder surgery today, and it was successful. He is expected to make a full recovery. Whew.

The bad news: Zach Randolph is a self-centered, amoral, hedonistic dumbass. Time to put him out on the corner with a big "FOR SALE - CHEAP" sign in his grill. I'll be surprised and more than a little disappointed if Zach is a Blazer after the trade deadline. Unlike what we can expect to get for Darius, however, the Blazers can reasonably expect to get a quality player or players in return for Zach. To paraphrase a friend, any player we get in return for Zach should immediately become our best player.

The aging news: I finally got the CSMN videos edited down into tolerable clips, as soon as I have Mike Barrett's permission to post them online, they'll be up along with a rather enthusiastic summarization of my visit to the KXL studios Monday night.

"I know more than I write..."

John Canzano has used that phrase (and phrases like it) more than once in his responses to e-mailed criticisms. Long-time bbb.net poster and vocal Canzano critic Storyteller set up this page, which the self-avowed "Player Salary Geek" dedicated to Mr. Canzano.

OT: SOTLMAO!

I was perusing the May 2006 issue of "Costco Connection" in the umm... shall we say, "reading room." In the "Debate goes on" section, they list some additional responses to the April debate question,

"Is the United States ready for a women president?"

I.W. Reece, from Scottsdale, Arizona answered,

"No. The Founding Fathers solved this problem. They established a minimum age of 35 years for the Presidency, and I don't know of any woman that would admit she is over 35."

Needless to say, my co-workers thought I was pretty strange, laughing out loud that hard while perched upon the throne.

By the way, it stands for "Sitting On Toilet, Laughing My Ass Off!"

Just sayin'...

Ruben, Ruben, Ruben.

Where's the "forehead slap" smilie when I need it?

Ruben Patterson, in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, said this:

I'm here to help this team and help these guys get better defensively, and we can be a lockup team.

He wants a lockup team? Why not sign Billy Ray Bates? Roy Tarpley? Allen Iverson? "Little" Eddie Johnson? How about "Prison Jordan," a.k.a. Ron Paul?

Mike Barrett Is A Funny S.O.B.

Mike Barrett, in his blog, posted a link to this picture
of the Team U.S.A. coaching staff. I commented

The Team USA coaching staff should have been issued boots along with their Battle Dress Uniforms. Even when I was in the Army, I thought BDUs looked silly with running shoes, lol.

His response:

I agree. The French suggested wearing running shoes with the BDUs.

I don't care who you are, that's funny right there.

Money Quotes From Courtside Interviews

Money quote from the Bayno interview on Courtside Monday:

"(Bayno's) goal with Zach Randolph is to get inside Zach's head so nobody else can get in there."

Can this guy be for real? He almost sounds too good to be true...

And the money quote from the Williams interview on Courtside Monday:

"I want LaMarcus to be able to see how tough this game is and get through an NBA training came and take a few elbows to the mouth by some guys who weigh 260, 275, and then we can make an assessment on where he's gonna be.

It's nice to hear an assistant coach be a little hesitant to jump on a player's bandwagon. Optimism should occasionally tempered with a little reality. Just because the glass is half full doesn't mean we should drink it all in one gulp.

Looking Back On Bayno's Interview

I liked what Bayno said, and I liked how he said it. I'm going to listen to the podcast a couple of times in the morning before I comment too much, but generally speaking, Bayno sounds like a more than adequate replacement for Grgurich. He seems to have the same focus on the players' best interests, same selfless dedication to the job, and the same willingness to adapt his teaching style to fit a player's learning style.

Looking Forward To Bayno's Interview

Great article by Mike Barrett on Bill Bayno can be found here on blazers.com. I always enjoy learning more about the backgrounds of assistant coaches. It gives one a deeper understanding of the team as a whole, and a clearer view of how younger players are developed. My favorite Bayno quote:

"I’m teaching these guys how to maximize their lives, how to handle adversity, and how to be professionals."

The last two lines could have been taken from a script entitled "What An Assistant Coach Should Say:"

And, where some assistants aspire to gain their own spots in the head coaching community, Bayno has been there. He’s thrilled to be in Portland, in this position, and wants nothing more.

“I don’t like the pressure of being a head coach,” says Bayno. “If I’m never a head coach again I’ll be happy. This job, doing what I’m doing now, it’s the most fun I could ever have in basketball."

I'm really eager to hear the Bayno interview tonight on Courtside Monday Night, and to hear his side of the off-season workouts with Zach Randolph in his own words.

Barrett's blog entry on Jamaal's first day is another terrific behind-the-scenes example that shows the huge strides made by Blazer management this summer. They have lived up to their promise to take character into account along with talent when evaluating players, and they have done a wonderful job improving the talent level of this team. I am still hesitant to jump completely on the Magloire bandwagon, though, for he has a history of demanding playing time and offensive touches. If he can be convinced to buy completely into Nate's system, he'll be a huge addition to this team. If not, he should be a valuable enough trading chip to bribe a team into taking Miles off our hands and snag a decent player or two in return. I'm hoping for the former, but the latter ain't too bad.

By the way, Neal McCoy autographed a pink guitar for Coastal Farm Supply in Albany, one of the local sponsors of Tough Enough to Wear Pink Breast Cancer fundraising event, and my company was asked to build the display case. Here are a couple of pictures of the guitar in the case:

Guitar Inside Case
Inscription

Kind of cool having it sitting here in the office. If they don't show up soon, I think I'll just hang that sucker on the wall, lol...

Mad Dogs and No Englishmen

Yeah, yeah, I know. This has nothing to do with the Blazers. It's my blog, so what are you going to do, sue me?

Some friends of mine are starting up a Joe Cocker tribute band, tentatively called Mad Dogs and No Englishmen, and here are some links to videos I took of their first live performance August 9th, 2006 at Tommy's Peacock Bar & Grill in Corvallis, Oregon:

Leave Your Hat On
Unchain My Heart
My Love Is Alive

And these videos are from their rehearsal the night before:


My Love Is Alive
Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
Leave Your Hat On
Leave Your Hat On (partial)

Keep in mind that this band has only rehearsed with everybody present twice, and has only been together for a short time. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, the sax player joined them on stage at the last minute and has never rehearsed with the band. These are some insanely talented musicians, and there's no doubt in my mind that in a few months, I'll be shouting from the rooftop "You saw them here first!"

Mario, I Hardly Knew (it was) Ye...

One night several years ago, after a game against Houston, a friend and I went to the Fifth Quarter broadcast at Tony Roma's. While finishing my last of several beers, I got into a discussion with a guy about who would win next time the two teams faced, which was just a couple nights away. The guy was very nice, had a great sense of humor, and looked at me the whole time with an odd expression on his face, almost as if he thought I was pretending not to recognize him. It struck me as especially strange when I said that the Blazers would beat the Rockets and he said, "Naw, we gonna spank 'em." We talked smack for a few minutes, laughing and joking, then I said "good night" and headed out the door. As my friend and I pulled out of the parking lot, I said, "Damn, that dude looked familiar." He said, "That was Mario Elie." I asked him why he didn't tell me, he said that he thought I already knew. I wanted to turn around and go back in, but we were already out in traffic and on our way. I still kick myself for not recognizing him.

Phatguysrule Rules!

Thanks for putting these up for me, Phats!

Here are the OregonLive.com poster predictions for Brandon Roy's statistics,

and here is the spreadsheet that maxiep generated to calculate Paul Allen's off-season spending.

By the way, maxie pointed out that the $3 million payment to Minnesota (part of the Roy/Foye swap) is assumed, but not confirmed. He also assumed that Brian Skinner's $5.85 million team option for 2007 would not be picked up.

Guest Blogger: dangerdoom

OregonLive Forum poster Dangerdoom asked me if I would post something that he wrote, and I told him I'd think about it. Before I do that, however, I'm going to go ahead and post what he wrote. Mostly because if I think about it too much, I probably won't do it, and where's the fun in that? Actually, he turns a pretty good phrase, and besides, I'm almost half convinced that he isn't really as friggin' nuts as your first impression of him might lead you to believe...

Blazer Bonanza: A slightly mad view at the madness.

Well, first and foremost, I would like to thank HyperB for letting
me post a little something on his site. Like HB, I am a diehard
blazers fan and live online searching for any Rip City news I can
find. So, to be allowed to post on this site really means a lot to
me. But, before I end up looking like Arnold when hiding in the mud
from Predator, I’ll stop brown nosing and get to the hydrogenised
middle of this Hostess Ho Ho…
It seems the new trend, at least in Rip City, is for reporters to do (the)
exact opposite of what their job entails and write about things that
didn’t happen. Sure it’s informative, but if it didn’t happen, then
let’s just letter B. Case in point: a new article in Rip City’s
largest newspaper talks about how close the Blazers were to getting
Barbosa last year. Now, we have all heard about how close we were to
reuniting Zach with the man I suspect pays Zach’s momma’s child
support… Shaq … Names sound alike, both have that certain look to
them (Are they smart? Aren’t they? Did he blink? I can’t tell,
someone yell “hotdog”, see if he moves…), and speak with the monotony
of someone strumming on the C string of a bass guitar over and over
again. Another was Vincanity, but that may be for best. If Vince
didn’t show up for games in Vancouver, he wouldn’t do it here. Plus
I suspect his Limelightitis would act up even if we did make it to
the playoffs.
This new “news” is old. Its tired, and maybe critiquing the
newspapers is old also, but goll darn it to 7734 (type in calculator,
turn upside down, take a trip to where the magical travel agent tells
you to go), it’s my duty as a consumer. Remember the old days? When
Jaynes would speak so positively in his articles about all the
players, coaches, the… Wait, he was an old, cranky, paranoid huff
who really never had anything nice to say. That’s right, I remember
him scathing everyone, even when we were good!! He scathed in our
Golden Era! That was enough to get a man decapitated by Lumberjack
Bob, or whoever our first mascot was, at half court in the Colly
before a sold out game against the Clippers. That’s right, we sold
out the Clippers, and for all you youngsters, they were bad once!
Granted our “coliseum” was unrightfully named, Maximus would have
worn it like spandex. The only battles the Romans could have fought
there were ants in the pants… No lions, but still frightful stuff.
Regardless, it sold out every night, consistent like Metamucil.
So I guess what I am saying, very poorly, is that reporters have
always questioned management, bashed teams, and written negative
stuff. Jaynes, though, seems to have lightened up since changing
papers and began writing for the Portland Tribune. Hmm, redirect for
a moment, maybe, just maybe, Rip City’s largest newspaper, the one
that reports about Oregon, is just a lousy place to work. Maybe the
lights are TOO fluorescent. Maybe the coffee is spiked with TOO much
speed for those deadline pieces. Maybe the ink smells a bit TOO
good. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But whatever it is, if you like the
team, then watch them. Call your local channel, thank them for
playing the Blazers on TV. Buy a ticket, but do it from Blazers.com
so at least the team sees some revenue (website advertising, but that
will be it). Most important, ignorance can be bliss when being
ignorant about ignorance.
I’m sure this is my last post, but thank you, it was a crazy ride.
Brain cells, tires, and love, all things lost over this journey I
will never forget.

Doom Perignon

For your information, our Complaint Department Representative is Ms. Helen Waite. If you have a complaint, go to Helen Waite. - THB

Yeah, What He Said...

In all the hoopla over Brian Skinner's post-trade comments about the situation in Portland, my favorite phrase was coined by Chris Jenkins of the Associated Press: "Contagious Apathy."

According to Jenkins, Skinner said of the Blazers' apathy:

"It's contagious, and it carried like wildfire throughout the whole team," Skinner said Monday. "Even players that were really dedicated and really wanted to be there, just made it seem like it was for naught."

"It's everything," Skinner said. "From the way you just sit down at the dinner table, to how you walk, you can just tell when a player (has) not really lost their passion, but just lost their initiative to go out and try to win. And it just goes through everything. It goes through everything and completely destroys a team."

Skinner said he respected veteran teammates such as Voshon Lenard and Theo Ratliff, but didn't care for some of the team's younger players. Skinner didn't single out any specific players by name for criticism.

"They come in with that ego, and sometimes you have to put them back in their place," Skinner said.

Many have characterized these and other comments by Skinner as sour grapes, saying he's bad-mouthing the team and his former team-mates. I don't see what he said that was so wrong. In fact, everything he said was true. I agree that Blake has every right to feel like he was slapped in the face. I agree that many players quit towards the end of the season, and that he and others were frustrated by it. I agree that once certain players quit, it "spread like wildfire" through the rest of the team. And I also agree that some younger players were trying to step into leadership roles that perhaps Skinner felt they weren't ready for.

Skinner didn't sound bitter, he didn't exaggerate, he didn't claim victim status, he didn't play shoulds-coulda-woulda; he simply gave thoughtful, honest answers to direct questions. Frankly, I found it somewhat refreshing after the way many other former Blazers bad-mouthed the team, the organization, and in some cases even the fans once they left Portland.

Remember When?

I found this page while looking for the text of Ron Tonkin's letter to the sports editor, and I realized just how far the Blazers have come since the day Tonkin wrote his letter in 2002. Most of the links no longer point anywhere, but Eric Marentette was kind enough to send me the text of Tonkin's letter:

To the Sports Editor:

I, for one, have had it. The Blazers are a disgrace. We have nearly 800 employees and now have to spend time to find enough people who want to see the game to fill our corporate box. I can't wait until the expiration of our contract, because unless something pretty drastic is done to clean up the team, we certainly will not renew. For what roles is this team supposed to be a model?

RON B. TONKIN
Ron Tonkin Family of Dealerships

I wonder how aggressively the Blazers are courting Mr. Tonkin? Would Tonkin even consider coming back now that so much progress has been made? With his very public announcement of his decision to walk away from the team, how far would a very public announcement of a decision to return as an advertiser and/or a suite owner go towards accelerating the turnaround in the casual fan's perception of the team? I think it'd be a PR coup, and one that should now be very high on the Blazer's agenda. Right under trading Darius Miles for a half a box of stale Girl Scout cookies.

From Draft Day...

Here's a video I shot of the post-draft press conference...
This one is Martell, giving his thoughts on Joel Przybilla...
Martell is asked whether he'll haze Brandon Roy...

How Much Did Paul Spend?

The same friend who asked the Sharpie question came through like Gang Busters when I asked the question, "How much money has Paul Allen spent this summer, and how did he spend it?" Here's a brief summary of the numbers, which are calculated assuming all contracts are paid out as they stand for the next five years:

$25,972,864 - Net salary difference between Telfair/Ratliff and Dickau/LaFrentz/#7 pick
$ 2,636,494 - Net salary difference between Khryapa/#4 pick and #2 pick
$ 1,510,588 - Net salary difference between #7 pick and #6 pick
$ 3,000,000 - Payment to Minnesota to swap #7 pick for #6 pick
$ 3,000,000 - Payment to Phoenix for #27 pick
$ 7,639,123 - Net salary difference between an empty roster spot and #27 pick
$31,550,750 - Joel Przybilla's contract
$ 2,114,708 - Net salary difference between Blake/Ha/Skinner and Magloire

$77,424,527 - Total spent so far this off-season

Note: Skinner has $5.85 million team option that is not included in calculations

If and when I can figure out how to post it online, I'll post
RiggoDrill's Excel spreadsheet. He cites Storyteller's kick-ass site as his source for his numbers.

An Apology?

First, in his blog, Canzano admitted that he was completely fooled by Paul Allen's performance, saying it was worthy of Sir Lawrence Olivier. I would rank Paul's acting ability right below that of Chuck Norris. If Canzano couldn't tell that Allen was angling to repurchase the Garden all along, then I want to play poker with him. I'll even bring my own beer.

Second, he has begun to use phrases like "This pseudo-sale was about leverage for Allen and the Vulcans." Sound familiar? It does to me. Maybe that's because I've been saying very much the same thing for six months.

Finally, Canzano wants Allen to apologize? For what, making vague statements, then sitting back and watching the lemmings in the local media climb all over each other in a mad dash over the cliff? If Paul ever does sell the Blazers, which I still believe is highly unlikely, I think he'll miss the Keystone Cops movie that breaks out every time he speaks about the team almost as much as he'll miss watching his team play basketball. If Paul Allen owes anybody an apology, it's Steve Blake. And that apology could come next off-season in the form of a free agent contract offer.

Very nice work by guest blogger Ken Fuller (a.k.a. grumppa on Oregonlive), on Dave's Blazer Thoughts blog.

I Had To Eat Crow, Now I Can Crow.

John Canzano broke the story in his blog today that Paul Allen had decided not to sell the Trail Blazers. Jason Quick has the text of the press release in his blog. I wonder why Canzano the columnist broke the story instead of Quick the beat writer? Anyway, I've been saying since the day after the Super Bowl that the whole thing boiled down to how Paul Allen would answer the question, "Do I want to continue be the owner of the Blazers?" My prediction that day was that he would answer that question, "Yes, I do." I also said all along that he was using the threat of sale as a leveraging tool in order to gain the most advantageous negotiating position.

I am happy he is staying, I really believe it's the best possible scenario for the Blazers. He's put a LOT of time, effort, emotion, and money (the last count I heard was just over $80 million) into this team during this off-season, and his investment is starting to show dividends already. I do, however, agree with those who think he should grow the beard back.

Besides, this time, I was right. So for now, my blog is batting .500...

And a friend posed an interesting question when he asked, "Say, does Gavin Dawson have any extra Sharpies?"