Testing, 123...

It's 8:00 PM, and I'm headed to Vegas tomorrow. I doubt I'll sleep much tonight, lol...

1080 Jumping Off The Bandwagon?

1080thefan.com posted this picture on their website, which in my opinion was intended solely to prop up the ridiculous rumor that his injury occurred while playing a video game.

Calling it a "smoking gun" photo is intentionally inflammatory, the type of cheap, sensational headline writing that would make the now-defunct Weekly World News proud. It seems that the fact that Greg Oden reported the pain in his knee a good week or two before the date that photo was taken has escaped them completely. Maybe they're a little bitter about KXL swiping Canzano and his "Balled Face Truth?"

EDIT: I wish I was Paul Allen. I'd eat the losses, give everyone a refund who wants a refund, then I would put every person who asked for a refund on a "do not sell to" list. I'd flag their names, their addresses, their credit cards, etc. Maybe ask them to sign a voluntary ban from the arena in order to get a full refund, lol...

Microfracture surgery?

Sigh.

Let's see how long it lasts this time!

I'm back, who knows for how long. A quick player-by-player rundown:

Brandon Roy - Even if he suffers a sophomore jinx, he'll be at worst our third best (but most valuable) player. And what's not to like about a kid who hangs out all weekend in Vegas during the All-Star break with his mother and pregnant girlfriend? I give him about a 1 in 4 chance at making the real ASG this year.

LaMarcus Aldridge - By the end of the year, our best player at both ends of the floor. Zach who? 1 in 3 chance at All-Stardom.

Greg Oden - I just hope this kid lives up to a third of the hype. Nobody could be that likeable AND that skilled, yet I'm convinced he's both. Talk about the perfect player at the perfect time for the Blazers.

Joel Przybilla - Our best defensive player, and the perfect mentor to LaMarcus, Greg, Channing, and even McRoberts. Professionalism personified. Character matters.

Channing Frye - I'm becoming a big fan of Frye. He's intelligent, witty, respectable, and well-spoken. Oh, did I mention that he's a pretty darned good basketball player?

Josh McRoberts - Any player you can nickname "McBob" is all right in my book. I think he'll play a role on this team in the near future. A small role, but a role nonetheless. As long as he makes Oden more comfortable, anything we get from him on the court over and above what we got from Ha will be gravy.

Jarrett Jack - I still think he could wind up his career being mentioned in the same breath as Terry Porter. People forget that we still haven't seen him 100% healthy yet. He's tough, he's smart, and he works hard. As much as I liked some of the trade rumors surrounding Jarrett, I'm glad he's still a Blazer.

Steve Blake - My second favorite Blazer, and not just because I was able to buy his jersey last year for ten bucks, lol. Steve is the kind of player who will be a leader by following Brandon's lead, if that makes any sense. From what I hear, Nate was livid when Blake was traded by Patterson. That's good enough for me.

Travis Outlaw - Likeable kid, freakishly athletic, and hopefully not the Black Hole that Zach tried to teach him to be, lol. Fortunately for Travis, he can play three positions. Unfortunately for Travis, so can a lot of guys on this team. His best performances last year came at the 4 but he'll be playing very little there this year, if at all. My fingers are crossed, but my expectations aren't very high.

Martell Webster - I still think this kid could wind up an All-Star eventually. If he can learn to dribble the ball on the floor instead of on his (or the defender's) feet, he'll be golden. Again, crossed fingers, but moderate expectations for this season.

Sergio Rodriguez - I hope Nate lets this kid run wild soon. I'd hate to see his spirit and creativity broken. Can you imagine Sergio at the point with Brandon, Martell, LaMarcus, and Greg all ahead of him on the fast break? (Insert Homer Simpson Drooling Noise Here)

Raef LaFrentz - He's a shooter with a leg injury. If and when his leg is 100%, he should contribute. I have serious doubts whether he'll ever contribute to the level that he's paid, but he'll give us everything he has and that's all we have a right to expect.

Taurean Greene - Meh. I suppose he's worth the risk of his small guaranteed contract. I'm tired of undersized lightning bugs at the point, I want some substance to go with all that style.

James Jones - Another guy I'm learning to like. From what I hear, he's a taller, younger, stronger, faster, and cheaper Ime Udoka. And coming from me, that's high praise indeed.

Darius Miles - Working out twice a day? Nice to hear, but I'll believe it when I see it. Have you seen his car? 'Nuff said.

10318

I know, I know...

I'm so friggin' busy nowadays, I don't have time to blog, and I feel like a total loser for it, trust me. If I can't spend enough time on it to do it well, I don't spend any time on it at all, and I think I've finally figured out that no entry is worse than weak entry.

Good news: I found a bar in Lebanon (The American Legion Hall) where I can take over one or two TVs on game nights, so that's cool. Plus, the burgers there are REALLY good. Gotta be an American Legion member or a guest, so drop me a line or leave me a comment if anyone would like to join me for a beer or six some game night.

Any volunteers to guest-blog for the next week or two? By then I hope to have the time to do this thing up right...

Friggin' WOW! Revisited

4-2! What a great game! Travis is a stud, Zach's a beast, and this team has guts! Character matters!

Happy Wookie Dance!

Friggin' WOW!

Man, that was a blast last night watching the Blazers take it to the L.U. Lakers. Zach is playing very well, and the bench stepped up and played tough. 3-2, baby!

I told Mike Barrett after the game that Joel should give his first post-injury interview in a high-pitched falsetto voice. He didn't seem to think that Joel would be willing to do it, but there's always hope.

By the way, "L.U." is not a typo, it stands for "Lavender and Urine." Thanks to RiggoDrill for my new favorite description of the hideous, vile, and disgusting uniforms the Evil One and his minions wear.

blink... blink... Ouch! Stop Pinching Me, I'm Awake Already!

Last night against the Clippers, I saw what I had both expected and hoped to see: A team playing tough, playing hard, and not quitting. They scraped and clawed their way back to within two before the experience, talent, and skill of the Clippers took over for a 17-1 run to put it away. But even during that run, the Blazers were counterpunching, they just couldn't get their counterpunches to land.

Brandon is down, too? Oh, well, look at the bright side. Nate wanted an eight- or nine-player rotation, now he's got it...

EDIT: Good news, Brandon will only miss one game. It'll be cool to see Martell start against the Evil One and his Lavender-and-Urine clad minions. Good luck, kid. Here's hoping you can make Nate think twice about needing to start Ime at the three...

I Said, "Pinch Me!"

I was there (and I have the hat to prove it, thanks, Blazers) and I still don't believe it. A come-from-behind, lock-down-an-All-Star-then-hit-a-clutch-shot-then-lock-down-an-All-Star-again victory? In the immortal words of Darrel Aune, "Holy Jumpin' Up And Down Martha!"

Travis Outlaw was airborne just about as much as the ball was Monday night. It seemed like every time a shot was put up, Travis was going after either the block or the rebound. Michael Jordan played a game that was figuratively head and shoulders above the rest of the players on the court. Monday night, Travis played a game that was literally head and shoulders above the rest of the players on the court. If Travis puts forth that kind of effort night in and night out, he's gonna finally be the human highlight reel we've all been waiting with bated breath to see.

Magloire looks better than he did in preseason, but that's not saying much. How can a guy who can rip a rebound out of the jaws of a crocodile be so wooden-handed when it comes to catching a pass? Maybe our guards should practice passing to Jamaal off the backboard, he might catch one once in a while.

Martell is gold. What a sweet shooting stroke, and what a likeable kid. I can't wait to see him in an All-Star uniform. I'm sticking by my prediction that he'll be an All-Star in his fourth year.

I'm starting to think that Brandon just might have an outside chance to make the All-Star team this year. I know, I know, the kid's only played three real NBA games. But he's going to get playing time, he's going to get national media exposure, and I think he's going to turn a lot of heads over the next few months.

Let's see, who might our clutch rebounder be? Zach Randolph? Nope. In both of our wins (and as a matter of fact, to a lesser extent, in our one loss) Ime Udoka has stepped up and grabbed clutch boards at key times in the game. Don't get me wrong, Zach's been playing very well, but Ime has been in the right place at the right time when the games were on the line more than once in each of our first three games.

Tonight, it's the Clippers, Go Blazers!!

Pinch Me, I Think I'm Dreaming!

110-106? Are you friggin' kidding me? This can't be real, can it? I must be asleep. Brandon Roy, looking as polished as any 4-year NBA vet? Travis Outlaw, in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing? Ime Udoka, stepping onto the roster, stepping into the starting lineup, and stepping up big time on the offensive boards late in the game? Zach Randolph, late in a close game, having enough faith in and respect for Brandon Roy to give up the ball without hesitation, knowing full well that there are only two or three seconds left on the shot clock? Juan Dixon, moving quicker, jumping higher, playing harder on defense, and filling up the hoop? Darius Miles, shunned by his teammates, called out by rookies, and nowhere to be seen? I think Coach Nate just might be on to something here...

Blazers Exercise Their Option

Good news, if not unexpected...

It May Be A Cheap Laugh, But It's Still A Laugh...

Casey Holdahl used the following titles for his last three blog entries, and it gave me a chuckle:

Quick and easy

Enough already

"He sounds like a weasel"

Heheheheh!!!


I can't believe the season's FINALLY about to start! Good luck, Blazers!!

I’ve Been Called Out!

And deservedly so. Casey Holdahl, OregonLive’s Pseudo-Eric, has called me out for not posting an entry to my blog for almost a month. I am fully aware of the fact that excuses are like certain orifices in that everyone has one and all of them stink, so take this for what it’s worth: I’ve been busier than a bartender at a Kennedy family reunion over the last month. I was promoted to Sales Manager, so in addition to learning the ropes in sales, I’m also training my replacement Purchasing Agent. BTW, Casey, the invite to a Blazer game still stands. Just shoot me an e-mail. Okay, enough whining, and enough about me. Let’s get down to business.

Martell Webster’s back has me a little worried, but I think that the decision to pull him off the road trip to rest and treat his injury was a very good one. Like LaMarcus, any chemistry-building or conditioning time lost during rehabilitation will be far outweighed by the opportunity to come back fully healed and raring to go.

I don’t know who came up with the idea of back-to-back-to-back games in the NBA preseason, but they should be stripped naked, bound, hooded, and photographed with an unattractive female soldier smiling and pointing to their genitals.

I absolutely love the fact that the net microphones pick up Zendon Hamilton giving a war whoop every time he’s going strong to the hoop for a shot or a rebound. If that doesn’t win over skeptical fans, nothing will.

I am very disappointed thus far with the performance of Jamaal Magloire. I had hoped that he would take some of the burden off of Joel, and help make Zach obsolete. From what I’ve seen, he’s an aggregation of current and former Blazers: He runs like Arvydas Sabonis, shoots from outside four feet like Ha Seung Jin, has mood swings on and off the court as extreme as Rasheed Wallace, knows his place in the offense like Travis Outlaw on opening day of last season, passes like Chris Dudley, and fouls like Joel Przybilla being picked on by the referees. He seems to be putting forth the effort, I just haven’t seen much in the way of results. I still think the best line I’ve heard describing him is

“Every time I see Magloire do something well, it’s Zendon Hamilton.”

I really wish I could remember who said that, so I could give them proper credit.

Edit: I was just reminded of who said it, and he prefers to remain relatively anonymous. In other words, I don't think he wants his relatives to find out that he's the one who said it.

Ime Udoka is gold. He takes some of the sting out of losing Veektor on draft day. He’s a smart player who hustles and contributes in ways that don’t always show up in the stat columns. I think Ime may have found an ideal situation playing for Nate McMillan, where his assets will be at once appreciated, rewarded, and maximized.

Darius Miles is iron pyrite. Paxson said yesterday that Darius “has arthritis in both knees.” I don’t wish pain and suffering on anyone, but objectively speaking, that would be the best possible outcome for all parties except Darius’ insurance company. If Darius is medically retired, then the Blazers will be able to write off his contract a year or two sooner, and we could send him home to get his (tax-free) checks every month from the insurance company and remove his potentially poisonous presence from the team. Pardon me, I need a moment... I’m all verklempt... Towak amongst yoahselves…

I don’t know enough about Graham to comment too much, but let’s just say my interest is piqued. Is he a body to bang the kids around with for the remainder of the pre-season? Is he a cheap replacement to fill Darius’ soon-to-be-vacated roster spot? A sign that Zendon Hamilton will not be on the roster come regular season? A possible trade chip? We’ll have to wait and see…

My first thought when I noticed that Joel hasn’t been a shot-blocking machine this pre-season was “Oh, crap, is he not healthy? What’s he doing wrong?” Then it was brought to my attention that he doesn’t need to go after the blocked shot nearly as often this year because we actually have players playing perimeter defense. From the sound of things, the only toreador we have left is Juan Dixon. Pardon me again. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry…

Will Brandon Roy get the ROY nod over guys like Adam Morrison, who are likely to make a big splash in the national media with big scoring numbers, while at the same time playing no defense? Roy is already making a huge difference in the chemistry of this team, even when he’s not filling the stat columns. All the +/- numbers I’ve seen point to Roy being the real difference-maker on this team, not Zach.

Speaking of Zach, I want him off this team. With a little luck, and if all our youngsters perform above reasonable expectations, Zach could be a dark horse candidate for the All-Star team. I certainly hope he does, because that would make him much more valuable in a trade during the next off-season. Zach with an All-Star game on his resume might be just the ticket to getting multiple top ten picks in next year’s projected monster draft. Insert “crossed fingers” smilie here.

Dixon is starting the season off well, let’s hope coming off the bench doesn’t bring out the bricklayer in him like it did last year.

Dickau and Rodriguez are going to be fun to watch, Danny because he’s an aggressive spark plug, and Sergio because he’s Sebastian Telfair in elevator shoes with a more consistent jump shot and better control.

I was listening to the Utah game on KXL in my truck, and being down here in the Mid-Valley, the reception started to fade in and out. Much to my surprise, I started to pick up the broadcast of the game from Utah. It was a little surreal, hearing both announcers calling the same game from two different points of view on the same frequency. Brian Wheeler is much, much better than Utah’s radio play-by-play guy. In fact, I think Portland fans have been spoiled over the years by having three of the top dozen or so basketball announcers of all time in Bill Schonley, Eddie Doucette, and Brian Wheeler. Utah’s guy makes Antonio Harvey sound like Vin Scully.

Speaking of Antonio Harvey, I had to cringe when he started singing “Ch-ch-ch-cheatah!” during the game last night. Coach, you’ve shown vast improvement over the last year, but you’ve still got a ways to go. Please, I’m begging you, don’t sing during the broadcast anymore.

Have We Been Lulled?

A friend who goes by Schilly tells me that he thinks that:

Portland fans have been lulled into thinking Rookies can't produce for us...

and I agree with him. Here's the evidence to support his claim:

In the last 10 Years Portlands draft picks have either been late 1st round picks or HS players. Roy is different. He is a College Senior and a top 10 pick, and probably picked later than he should have been based on reports we have been hearing.

Going back:
2005 Webster (HS)
2005 Jack (late 1st rounder)
2004 Telfair (HS)
2004 Viktor (late 1st rounder)
2004 Sergei (late 1st rounder)
2003 Outlaw (late 1st rounderand HS)
2002 Wood (late 1st rounder)
2001 Randolph (late 1st rounder)
2000 Barckley (last in 1st round)
1999 No pick
1998 (pick traded)
1997 Kelvin Cato (mid round traded up to get)
1996 Jermain O'Neal (HS)

So in the last 10 years the only draft pick not either HS or late was Kelvin Cato.

He then goes on to compare rookie stats:

1996 O'neal: 4.1ppg, 2.8rpg, 0.2apg
1997 Cato: 3.8ppg, 3.4rpg, 0.3apg
1998 Bonzi: 35 minutes played
2000 Barckley: 38 minutes played
2001 Z-bo: 2.8ppg, 1.7rpg, 0.3apg
2002 Woods: 2.4ppg, 1rpg, 0.2apg
2003 Outlaw: 19 minutes played
2004 Telfair: 6.8ppg, 1.5rpg, 3.3apg
2005 Webster: 6.6ppg, 2.1rpg, .6apg
2005 Jack: 6.7ppg, 2.0rpg, 2.8apg

Jack is the most effective Rookie Portland has had in the last 10 years (similar #'s to telfair but took care of the ball better and was a better defender.)

Thanks, Schilly, great stuff.

I Think I'm In...

It's starting to look like I'll be offered the Sales Manager job, I hope I'm up for it. I've been doing Purchasing for so long, it'll take me a little while to get used to being the schmoozer instead of the schmoozee. Wish me luck!

After reading The DA's Memo explaining why no charges will be filed against Zach Randolph, I see no reason to change my position that Zach Randolph needs to go. This interesting question was posed by a friend:

Assuming that $1 = Zach's Talent Level, what's the least talent are you willing to take back to move Zach?

All things being equal, of course I'd want no less than $.90 in talent back for Zach. There are several factors that would make me willing to consider accepting a lesser talent in return, though. For example, for every year the incoming contract is shorter than Zach's, I'd accept a nickel less per year. Leadership and character could also be taken into account, and I'd accept up to as much as twenty cents less in talent in return for a significant upgrade in character. Could you imagine LaMarcus Aldridge learning the ropes from a guy like Grant Hill instead of Zach Randolph? I agree with SetScreens, who said it much better than I could:

IMO, Grant Hill would be the perfect deal. He's an expiring contract, which is fantastic; he's a huggable guy, which might pacify Canzano for what would inevitably be a season of losing; he could conceivably be persuaded to return for pennies on the dollar next season, as a mentor-type...

I am officially done hoping against hope for the redemption of Zach Randolph, and I want him off my team as soon as practical.

Travis Outlaw, at the 4? Mike Barrett has this story in his blog. I kind of like the idea of Travis at the 4 once in a while. It'll make for some interesting matchups, and Travis will be a little more free to improvise and use his instincts and his athletic ability to a greater degree than he will be at the 3. I wonder what other unorthodox lineups Nate has up his sleeve. At the very least, it'll be fun to watch.

I'll need to see it before I believe it. Juan Dixon dunking? According to Barrett, Juan's done that and more. Good stuff. I like Juan Dixon, I just hope that he has completely bought into Nate's game plan no matter how it affects his own role on the team.

I'll leave you with a question: Ian Furness leaves for Seattle (congrats, Ian, best of luck, and don't let the Interstate Bridge hit you in the ass on the way out of town), and suddenly 1080 has access to several Blazer players, coaches, and executives for a live broadcast... coincidence?

Eric Has Been Seduced By The Dark Side Of The Force!

Curse and damn you, Eric Marentette, for leaving us to work for the enemy. That being said, it sounds like a fantastic opportunity, and I'd have done the exact same thing. In fact, Eric, call me if you need an assistant. I wish you great success, even though your efforts being successful means that the planet (and the minds of youngsters) will be even further polluted with crap bearing the name of that ball-hogging-concierge-raping-wife-bribing-lavender-and-urine-stained future Hall of Famer, Kobe Bryant. Keep in touch, my friend, and if you're in the area come Opening Night, the invitation to the game still stands. And if you can get tickets from your boss for me when they come up here to get spanked by the Blazers, I'd be more than happy to join you so that you can boo your boss vicariously through me.

By the way, best of luck as well to Casey Holdahl, who will be taking over Eric's blog on Oregonlive. You've got some big shoes to fill, Casey, I hope you're up to the task, for it is a daunting one. I have every confidence you'll do swimmingly. And if Eric chums on Opening Night, you are next in line to inherit his ticket, if you like.

Good stuff on the Blazers' website about Travis, LaMarcus, and Brandon working as crossing guards for the elementary schools. Things have changed since Rasheed Wallace spent most of his time on his cell phone and checking his pager when he was supposed to be handing out Christmas trees to the less fortunate. And I'll be surprised (and more than a little disappointed) if I see another Blazer tactless enough to wear huge diamonds in his ears (think Ruben Patterson) while handing out Christmas trees and food to the poor.

Still no time to edit and post the video from either trip. This is getting nuts, and I don't see much light at the end of the tunnel yet. Bear with me, folks, I'm trying. It's not like I've taken a job working as Darth Vader's PR advisor, like somebody I know...

Back And Busier Than Ever

I realize I'm sounding like a broken record, but I'll be buried for at least a couple more days. The trip to Seattle was a success, enough so that my name has now been added the list of candidates for the Sales Manager position. Wish me luck, and I'll get back as quickly as I can!

Crap!

I still haven't had a chance to blog my trip, I haven't been able to combine the time to blog with the access to the proper equipment. I promise I'll have the videos edited down, and the stories told before I leave for Seattle on Tuesday, come Hell or high water.

Busy, Busy, Busy...

My apologies to my few loyal readers. I just got back from Oakland very early yesterday morning. I got to see Coco Crisp's incredible catch on Monday night, and Curt Schilling's 3,000th career strikeout on Wednesday afternoon. Had a great time, and I have some pics and video that I intend to post as soon as I have the opportunity. I'll be in Seattle next week as a sales rep. I'm sure it'll be fun, but it'll also be a lot of work and it will severely limit my ability to go online. So the blog will probably be pretty slow over the next week or two, but I promise I'll post as often as I possibly can. Have a safe and happy holiday weekend!

"Mikeside" Monday Night (Neener, Neener, Neener.)

Every once in a long while, I say the right thing to the right person in the right place at the right time. Last week, I was fortunate enough to say the right thing to the right person in the right place at the right time. I made a joking suggestion to a friend, he thought it was a great idea, and immediately set about seeing if it was possible. Seeing if what was possible, you ask? How about sitting inside the studio at KXL during the broadcast of Courtside Monday Night? The friend (a.k.a atlblazerman or ABM), in town on vacation, made a couple of inquiries, and got permission for us to attend the broadcast. Mike Barrett, Mike Rice, and "The Captain" Rich Patterson couldn't have been nicer. In fact, ABM and I arrived outside the studio a few minutes early, and Barrett had to stop the lady at the front desk from asking us not to stand around outside the door, lol. Rice arrived (just off the golf course) a few minutes later, and we sat down and watched as the two Mikes adjusted their mics and prepared to do the show. The terrific chemistry that comes through so well on the air was even more apparent inside the studio. I was reminded of Michaels and Madden, and I mean that as high praise indeed. They were kind enough to allow us to take pictures, and even video clips, which I have posted here. A couple things to watch for in the videos:

In "Golf Tourney," watch Rice's reaction when Barrett tells how much it costs to play in the charity tournament.

In "Training Camp," watch Barrett try to keep a straight face after Rice struggles to find the word "activities."

It was a little weird during the telephone interviews with Brian Wheeler and Antonio Harvey because ABM and I had no headphones, and therefore couldn't hear what they were saying. Barrett and Rice would listen quietly, smiling and nodding occasionally, then both would burst into laughter. Really quite a bizzare sight, seeing people react to what appears to be dead silence, lol.

My favorite moment was when Barrett was reading the statement about Zach Randolph. Rice pulled his headphones off, leaned over to me, and asked, "What was Con- Con- Conzano's first name again?" I told him "John, but you can call him Jason..."

Another good one: We were watching the LLWS playoffs, and a pitch was called a strike. Rice said, "Oh, that was low and outside." When Barrett told him that our team was pitching, and he said, "Oh, in that case, that was a good pitch!"

Anyway, I can't thank KXL, Mike, Mike, and Rich enough for their hospitality and courtesy. I know I won't soon forget the experience, and I'm confident when I say ABM won't, either. I was a huge CSMN fan before Monday night, and if possible, I'm an even bigger fan now. Of course, that might be from the huge plate of pasta I ate at the Old Spaghetti Factory after the show...

Why Canzano Hates Patterson

(ring!)

(ring!)

(click)"Good afternoon, One Center Court, how may I direct your call?"

"Steve Patterson, please."

"May I tell him who is calling?"

"John Canzano, from the Oregonian."

"Hold please. I'll see if he's in."

(click)

(bzzzzzzt!)

(click)"Mr. Patterson's office."

"Hello, I have John Canzano on the line for Mr. Patterson."

"Hold please."

(click)

(bzzzt!)

(click)"This is Steve."

"Mr. Patterson, I have a call for you on line one."

"Who is it?"

"John Canza-"

"NO!"

(click)

"Mr. Patterson?"

(pause)

"Mr. Patterson?"

(pause)

(click)"Mr. Canzano?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Patterson is unavailable at the moment."

"How long will he be? I can wait on hold."

"I'm sure he'll be quite some time, he asked not to be disturbed."

"Is he talking to Zach's lawyer? Does he know if there will be charges pressed? Has he heard the whole story? What's the name of his barber?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but he's unavailable and will likely be unreachable for the rest of the day. Can I take a message?"

"Has he promoted Pritchard yet? How much will Pritchard make in his new position? What will happen to Darnell Valentine after Pritchard is promoted? Does he like hats?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Canzano, I really must get back to work. Thank you for calling the Portland Trail Blazers. Good-bye. (click)

"Hello? Hello? Who can the Blazers get for Darius Miles? Who would want Zach now? Can you guys get anything for Juan Dixon? You wanna go to a steak dinner for charity?"

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"Steve? Is that you? It's me, John. How are you doing, buddy?"

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"Ha, ha, ha, very funny Steve. Come on, man, I know it's you."

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"Hey, man, I'm not kidding. If you say that again, I'm gonna write all kinds of bad stuff about your team, what do you think about that?"

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"I'm gonna so ruin the trade values of your players, then I'm gonna blame you for not being able to get anything back for them! What do you think about that, huh?"

(click)(beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep)(click)"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHH!!!!

Which Do You Want To Hear First?

The good news: LaMarcus Aldridge had shoulder surgery today, and it was successful. He is expected to make a full recovery. Whew.

The bad news: Zach Randolph is a self-centered, amoral, hedonistic dumbass. Time to put him out on the corner with a big "FOR SALE - CHEAP" sign in his grill. I'll be surprised and more than a little disappointed if Zach is a Blazer after the trade deadline. Unlike what we can expect to get for Darius, however, the Blazers can reasonably expect to get a quality player or players in return for Zach. To paraphrase a friend, any player we get in return for Zach should immediately become our best player.

The aging news: I finally got the CSMN videos edited down into tolerable clips, as soon as I have Mike Barrett's permission to post them online, they'll be up along with a rather enthusiastic summarization of my visit to the KXL studios Monday night.

"I know more than I write..."

John Canzano has used that phrase (and phrases like it) more than once in his responses to e-mailed criticisms. Long-time bbb.net poster and vocal Canzano critic Storyteller set up this page, which the self-avowed "Player Salary Geek" dedicated to Mr. Canzano.

OT: SOTLMAO!

I was perusing the May 2006 issue of "Costco Connection" in the umm... shall we say, "reading room." In the "Debate goes on" section, they list some additional responses to the April debate question,

"Is the United States ready for a women president?"

I.W. Reece, from Scottsdale, Arizona answered,

"No. The Founding Fathers solved this problem. They established a minimum age of 35 years for the Presidency, and I don't know of any woman that would admit she is over 35."

Needless to say, my co-workers thought I was pretty strange, laughing out loud that hard while perched upon the throne.

By the way, it stands for "Sitting On Toilet, Laughing My Ass Off!"

Just sayin'...

Ruben, Ruben, Ruben.

Where's the "forehead slap" smilie when I need it?

Ruben Patterson, in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, said this:

I'm here to help this team and help these guys get better defensively, and we can be a lockup team.

He wants a lockup team? Why not sign Billy Ray Bates? Roy Tarpley? Allen Iverson? "Little" Eddie Johnson? How about "Prison Jordan," a.k.a. Ron Paul?

Mike Barrett Is A Funny S.O.B.

Mike Barrett, in his blog, posted a link to this picture
of the Team U.S.A. coaching staff. I commented

The Team USA coaching staff should have been issued boots along with their Battle Dress Uniforms. Even when I was in the Army, I thought BDUs looked silly with running shoes, lol.

His response:

I agree. The French suggested wearing running shoes with the BDUs.

I don't care who you are, that's funny right there.

Money Quotes From Courtside Interviews

Money quote from the Bayno interview on Courtside Monday:

"(Bayno's) goal with Zach Randolph is to get inside Zach's head so nobody else can get in there."

Can this guy be for real? He almost sounds too good to be true...

And the money quote from the Williams interview on Courtside Monday:

"I want LaMarcus to be able to see how tough this game is and get through an NBA training came and take a few elbows to the mouth by some guys who weigh 260, 275, and then we can make an assessment on where he's gonna be.

It's nice to hear an assistant coach be a little hesitant to jump on a player's bandwagon. Optimism should occasionally tempered with a little reality. Just because the glass is half full doesn't mean we should drink it all in one gulp.

Looking Back On Bayno's Interview

I liked what Bayno said, and I liked how he said it. I'm going to listen to the podcast a couple of times in the morning before I comment too much, but generally speaking, Bayno sounds like a more than adequate replacement for Grgurich. He seems to have the same focus on the players' best interests, same selfless dedication to the job, and the same willingness to adapt his teaching style to fit a player's learning style.

Looking Forward To Bayno's Interview

Great article by Mike Barrett on Bill Bayno can be found here on blazers.com. I always enjoy learning more about the backgrounds of assistant coaches. It gives one a deeper understanding of the team as a whole, and a clearer view of how younger players are developed. My favorite Bayno quote:

"I’m teaching these guys how to maximize their lives, how to handle adversity, and how to be professionals."

The last two lines could have been taken from a script entitled "What An Assistant Coach Should Say:"

And, where some assistants aspire to gain their own spots in the head coaching community, Bayno has been there. He’s thrilled to be in Portland, in this position, and wants nothing more.

“I don’t like the pressure of being a head coach,” says Bayno. “If I’m never a head coach again I’ll be happy. This job, doing what I’m doing now, it’s the most fun I could ever have in basketball."

I'm really eager to hear the Bayno interview tonight on Courtside Monday Night, and to hear his side of the off-season workouts with Zach Randolph in his own words.

Barrett's blog entry on Jamaal's first day is another terrific behind-the-scenes example that shows the huge strides made by Blazer management this summer. They have lived up to their promise to take character into account along with talent when evaluating players, and they have done a wonderful job improving the talent level of this team. I am still hesitant to jump completely on the Magloire bandwagon, though, for he has a history of demanding playing time and offensive touches. If he can be convinced to buy completely into Nate's system, he'll be a huge addition to this team. If not, he should be a valuable enough trading chip to bribe a team into taking Miles off our hands and snag a decent player or two in return. I'm hoping for the former, but the latter ain't too bad.

By the way, Neal McCoy autographed a pink guitar for Coastal Farm Supply in Albany, one of the local sponsors of Tough Enough to Wear Pink Breast Cancer fundraising event, and my company was asked to build the display case. Here are a couple of pictures of the guitar in the case:

Guitar Inside Case
Inscription

Kind of cool having it sitting here in the office. If they don't show up soon, I think I'll just hang that sucker on the wall, lol...

Mad Dogs and No Englishmen

Yeah, yeah, I know. This has nothing to do with the Blazers. It's my blog, so what are you going to do, sue me?

Some friends of mine are starting up a Joe Cocker tribute band, tentatively called Mad Dogs and No Englishmen, and here are some links to videos I took of their first live performance August 9th, 2006 at Tommy's Peacock Bar & Grill in Corvallis, Oregon:

Leave Your Hat On
Unchain My Heart
My Love Is Alive

And these videos are from their rehearsal the night before:


My Love Is Alive
Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
Leave Your Hat On
Leave Your Hat On (partial)

Keep in mind that this band has only rehearsed with everybody present twice, and has only been together for a short time. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, the sax player joined them on stage at the last minute and has never rehearsed with the band. These are some insanely talented musicians, and there's no doubt in my mind that in a few months, I'll be shouting from the rooftop "You saw them here first!"

Mario, I Hardly Knew (it was) Ye...

One night several years ago, after a game against Houston, a friend and I went to the Fifth Quarter broadcast at Tony Roma's. While finishing my last of several beers, I got into a discussion with a guy about who would win next time the two teams faced, which was just a couple nights away. The guy was very nice, had a great sense of humor, and looked at me the whole time with an odd expression on his face, almost as if he thought I was pretending not to recognize him. It struck me as especially strange when I said that the Blazers would beat the Rockets and he said, "Naw, we gonna spank 'em." We talked smack for a few minutes, laughing and joking, then I said "good night" and headed out the door. As my friend and I pulled out of the parking lot, I said, "Damn, that dude looked familiar." He said, "That was Mario Elie." I asked him why he didn't tell me, he said that he thought I already knew. I wanted to turn around and go back in, but we were already out in traffic and on our way. I still kick myself for not recognizing him.

Phatguysrule Rules!

Thanks for putting these up for me, Phats!

Here are the OregonLive.com poster predictions for Brandon Roy's statistics,

and here is the spreadsheet that maxiep generated to calculate Paul Allen's off-season spending.

By the way, maxie pointed out that the $3 million payment to Minnesota (part of the Roy/Foye swap) is assumed, but not confirmed. He also assumed that Brian Skinner's $5.85 million team option for 2007 would not be picked up.

Guest Blogger: dangerdoom

OregonLive Forum poster Dangerdoom asked me if I would post something that he wrote, and I told him I'd think about it. Before I do that, however, I'm going to go ahead and post what he wrote. Mostly because if I think about it too much, I probably won't do it, and where's the fun in that? Actually, he turns a pretty good phrase, and besides, I'm almost half convinced that he isn't really as friggin' nuts as your first impression of him might lead you to believe...

Blazer Bonanza: A slightly mad view at the madness.

Well, first and foremost, I would like to thank HyperB for letting
me post a little something on his site. Like HB, I am a diehard
blazers fan and live online searching for any Rip City news I can
find. So, to be allowed to post on this site really means a lot to
me. But, before I end up looking like Arnold when hiding in the mud
from Predator, I’ll stop brown nosing and get to the hydrogenised
middle of this Hostess Ho Ho…
It seems the new trend, at least in Rip City, is for reporters to do (the)
exact opposite of what their job entails and write about things that
didn’t happen. Sure it’s informative, but if it didn’t happen, then
let’s just letter B. Case in point: a new article in Rip City’s
largest newspaper talks about how close the Blazers were to getting
Barbosa last year. Now, we have all heard about how close we were to
reuniting Zach with the man I suspect pays Zach’s momma’s child
support… Shaq … Names sound alike, both have that certain look to
them (Are they smart? Aren’t they? Did he blink? I can’t tell,
someone yell “hotdog”, see if he moves…), and speak with the monotony
of someone strumming on the C string of a bass guitar over and over
again. Another was Vincanity, but that may be for best. If Vince
didn’t show up for games in Vancouver, he wouldn’t do it here. Plus
I suspect his Limelightitis would act up even if we did make it to
the playoffs.
This new “news” is old. Its tired, and maybe critiquing the
newspapers is old also, but goll darn it to 7734 (type in calculator,
turn upside down, take a trip to where the magical travel agent tells
you to go), it’s my duty as a consumer. Remember the old days? When
Jaynes would speak so positively in his articles about all the
players, coaches, the… Wait, he was an old, cranky, paranoid huff
who really never had anything nice to say. That’s right, I remember
him scathing everyone, even when we were good!! He scathed in our
Golden Era! That was enough to get a man decapitated by Lumberjack
Bob, or whoever our first mascot was, at half court in the Colly
before a sold out game against the Clippers. That’s right, we sold
out the Clippers, and for all you youngsters, they were bad once!
Granted our “coliseum” was unrightfully named, Maximus would have
worn it like spandex. The only battles the Romans could have fought
there were ants in the pants… No lions, but still frightful stuff.
Regardless, it sold out every night, consistent like Metamucil.
So I guess what I am saying, very poorly, is that reporters have
always questioned management, bashed teams, and written negative
stuff. Jaynes, though, seems to have lightened up since changing
papers and began writing for the Portland Tribune. Hmm, redirect for
a moment, maybe, just maybe, Rip City’s largest newspaper, the one
that reports about Oregon, is just a lousy place to work. Maybe the
lights are TOO fluorescent. Maybe the coffee is spiked with TOO much
speed for those deadline pieces. Maybe the ink smells a bit TOO
good. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But whatever it is, if you like the
team, then watch them. Call your local channel, thank them for
playing the Blazers on TV. Buy a ticket, but do it from Blazers.com
so at least the team sees some revenue (website advertising, but that
will be it). Most important, ignorance can be bliss when being
ignorant about ignorance.
I’m sure this is my last post, but thank you, it was a crazy ride.
Brain cells, tires, and love, all things lost over this journey I
will never forget.

Doom Perignon

For your information, our Complaint Department Representative is Ms. Helen Waite. If you have a complaint, go to Helen Waite. - THB

Yeah, What He Said...

In all the hoopla over Brian Skinner's post-trade comments about the situation in Portland, my favorite phrase was coined by Chris Jenkins of the Associated Press: "Contagious Apathy."

According to Jenkins, Skinner said of the Blazers' apathy:

"It's contagious, and it carried like wildfire throughout the whole team," Skinner said Monday. "Even players that were really dedicated and really wanted to be there, just made it seem like it was for naught."

"It's everything," Skinner said. "From the way you just sit down at the dinner table, to how you walk, you can just tell when a player (has) not really lost their passion, but just lost their initiative to go out and try to win. And it just goes through everything. It goes through everything and completely destroys a team."

Skinner said he respected veteran teammates such as Voshon Lenard and Theo Ratliff, but didn't care for some of the team's younger players. Skinner didn't single out any specific players by name for criticism.

"They come in with that ego, and sometimes you have to put them back in their place," Skinner said.

Many have characterized these and other comments by Skinner as sour grapes, saying he's bad-mouthing the team and his former team-mates. I don't see what he said that was so wrong. In fact, everything he said was true. I agree that Blake has every right to feel like he was slapped in the face. I agree that many players quit towards the end of the season, and that he and others were frustrated by it. I agree that once certain players quit, it "spread like wildfire" through the rest of the team. And I also agree that some younger players were trying to step into leadership roles that perhaps Skinner felt they weren't ready for.

Skinner didn't sound bitter, he didn't exaggerate, he didn't claim victim status, he didn't play shoulds-coulda-woulda; he simply gave thoughtful, honest answers to direct questions. Frankly, I found it somewhat refreshing after the way many other former Blazers bad-mouthed the team, the organization, and in some cases even the fans once they left Portland.

Remember When?

I found this page while looking for the text of Ron Tonkin's letter to the sports editor, and I realized just how far the Blazers have come since the day Tonkin wrote his letter in 2002. Most of the links no longer point anywhere, but Eric Marentette was kind enough to send me the text of Tonkin's letter:

To the Sports Editor:

I, for one, have had it. The Blazers are a disgrace. We have nearly 800 employees and now have to spend time to find enough people who want to see the game to fill our corporate box. I can't wait until the expiration of our contract, because unless something pretty drastic is done to clean up the team, we certainly will not renew. For what roles is this team supposed to be a model?

RON B. TONKIN
Ron Tonkin Family of Dealerships

I wonder how aggressively the Blazers are courting Mr. Tonkin? Would Tonkin even consider coming back now that so much progress has been made? With his very public announcement of his decision to walk away from the team, how far would a very public announcement of a decision to return as an advertiser and/or a suite owner go towards accelerating the turnaround in the casual fan's perception of the team? I think it'd be a PR coup, and one that should now be very high on the Blazer's agenda. Right under trading Darius Miles for a half a box of stale Girl Scout cookies.

From Draft Day...

Here's a video I shot of the post-draft press conference...
This one is Martell, giving his thoughts on Joel Przybilla...
Martell is asked whether he'll haze Brandon Roy...

How Much Did Paul Spend?

The same friend who asked the Sharpie question came through like Gang Busters when I asked the question, "How much money has Paul Allen spent this summer, and how did he spend it?" Here's a brief summary of the numbers, which are calculated assuming all contracts are paid out as they stand for the next five years:

$25,972,864 - Net salary difference between Telfair/Ratliff and Dickau/LaFrentz/#7 pick
$ 2,636,494 - Net salary difference between Khryapa/#4 pick and #2 pick
$ 1,510,588 - Net salary difference between #7 pick and #6 pick
$ 3,000,000 - Payment to Minnesota to swap #7 pick for #6 pick
$ 3,000,000 - Payment to Phoenix for #27 pick
$ 7,639,123 - Net salary difference between an empty roster spot and #27 pick
$31,550,750 - Joel Przybilla's contract
$ 2,114,708 - Net salary difference between Blake/Ha/Skinner and Magloire

$77,424,527 - Total spent so far this off-season

Note: Skinner has $5.85 million team option that is not included in calculations

If and when I can figure out how to post it online, I'll post
RiggoDrill's Excel spreadsheet. He cites Storyteller's kick-ass site as his source for his numbers.

An Apology?

First, in his blog, Canzano admitted that he was completely fooled by Paul Allen's performance, saying it was worthy of Sir Lawrence Olivier. I would rank Paul's acting ability right below that of Chuck Norris. If Canzano couldn't tell that Allen was angling to repurchase the Garden all along, then I want to play poker with him. I'll even bring my own beer.

Second, he has begun to use phrases like "This pseudo-sale was about leverage for Allen and the Vulcans." Sound familiar? It does to me. Maybe that's because I've been saying very much the same thing for six months.

Finally, Canzano wants Allen to apologize? For what, making vague statements, then sitting back and watching the lemmings in the local media climb all over each other in a mad dash over the cliff? If Paul ever does sell the Blazers, which I still believe is highly unlikely, I think he'll miss the Keystone Cops movie that breaks out every time he speaks about the team almost as much as he'll miss watching his team play basketball. If Paul Allen owes anybody an apology, it's Steve Blake. And that apology could come next off-season in the form of a free agent contract offer.

Very nice work by guest blogger Ken Fuller (a.k.a. grumppa on Oregonlive), on Dave's Blazer Thoughts blog.

I Had To Eat Crow, Now I Can Crow.

John Canzano broke the story in his blog today that Paul Allen had decided not to sell the Trail Blazers. Jason Quick has the text of the press release in his blog. I wonder why Canzano the columnist broke the story instead of Quick the beat writer? Anyway, I've been saying since the day after the Super Bowl that the whole thing boiled down to how Paul Allen would answer the question, "Do I want to continue be the owner of the Blazers?" My prediction that day was that he would answer that question, "Yes, I do." I also said all along that he was using the threat of sale as a leveraging tool in order to gain the most advantageous negotiating position.

I am happy he is staying, I really believe it's the best possible scenario for the Blazers. He's put a LOT of time, effort, emotion, and money (the last count I heard was just over $80 million) into this team during this off-season, and his investment is starting to show dividends already. I do, however, agree with those who think he should grow the beard back.

Besides, this time, I was right. So for now, my blog is batting .500...

And a friend posed an interesting question when he asked, "Say, does Gavin Dawson have any extra Sharpies?"